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Jana at Jade House

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Ministering
« on: May 17, 2021, 09:20:44 am »
This is a bit of a gripe but I am confused.

I suspected when the new program for ministering was introduced that it would change very little here at Jade House. I rarely have enjoyed monthly visits from any HT or VT no matter where I was living.  So I just read the stories of great visitors with a little envy....
I think folks do not really GET that my husband could be a prospective member.  He is such a better person than many fellow church members, the nickle does not drop that he IS NOT A Member.
Now, he has met and liked, even loved , being with members and units all over the world. We have marvelous stories.  Great stuff. Special memories. We generally are self reliant.  I am used to being on the sidelines at church.
That does not prevent a secret desire that SOMEONE would pay attention and be Andries church buddy.

But here we are, a year and a half no church, and I can count on one  hand the personal contact our family priesthood minister has had with us.  I have not had sacrament in months, after Brother set it up that he would come on the third Sunday.  I am sad.
His wife is my sister minister. She brought me a kind gift when I had cancer once.  They dropped off a plant at Christmas when we were not home.  And she called when my heart went crazy and I was in the ER. They are both on my messaging service and have my phone number.    Even a how are you would suffice.


  I am her Mother's  sister minister and send a (handmade) card, as I was asked, but not once a month, no, every single week since the pandemic cloistered this elderly dementia patient. And from what others have said,  they have brought light and joy. Goal met. So it is not like they are feeling slighted I think.

I perceive that as Andries witnesses this inaction he is less and less encouraged to become a Christian much less a member of our church.  I do not have lots of years left to encourage his belief in God.

And a ministering  program where I have to beg for action is not particularly helpful.
I was speaking with a member of another ward one day. She is of the opinion that the new program is more of a two way interaction. That I should instigate contacts,  etc.
Is it true now that one has to run down their ministers to get any attention like my contact thinks?  That is my confusion..


I would never presume to force my sisters to beg for help or leave them uncontacted for months.  That does not fit my definition of ministering at all.


In the meantime my sisters still get personal attention every week or month as the case may be ....even though I cannot visit.


« Last Edit: May 17, 2021, 09:32:04 am by Jana at Jade House »
 
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Palmon

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2021, 10:21:55 am »
Jana, you are a such beautiful soul. You truly are one that gives her all.

VT was important to my mother and she always called her visiting teachers to set up the appointments. Not traditional, but it worked for her. If doing the same would cause even a trifle of resentment for you, it doesn't work.

It isn't easy to keep a strong testimony when you feel like an outsider and that no-one notices you or seems to care. Unfortunately, COVID has made it worse for so many, the loneliness. And for some, it's hard to return to physical church because of it. We all should be asking "Lord, what would you have me do?" And then when the answer comes in promptings, follow through.
 
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cook

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2021, 12:50:51 pm »
I was sceptical about ministering. Fearing more people would be left without any contact. I think my fears have come true. Those who did well with visiting teaching and home teaching do well with ministering. I haven't yet come across with anyone who never did that and now does ministering.

I do think ministering is more of a multiple way system. At times with quite a few of my visiting teachers it was more for their benefit they came and visited me. (The ones I actually had visiting). They felt bad about it. Now I feel the point is more about being true friends when it is supposed to be beneficial for everyone. And I kind of feel that in the heavens it is counted also if I minister to those who are not my responsibility. Kind of that the focus is not so much on whom everyone is assigned to minister but that everyone is ministered. (Should be). Kind of like if person A's ministers have zero contact with them, we don't need to  be so worried, because persons B, C and D minister person A anyway.

But I still believe we are held accountable for those we are supposed to minister to. Not that it is my responsibility to invite ministers to talk to me or be in touch with me.

I feel for you Jana. My father in law was baptized when my husband, the youngest kid was 16 or 17. Multiple reasons of course, but sometimes the members don't help the situation.

One of our ministers is at times in the country. He's still quite a recent convert, before the covid we once in a while invited him for dinner. I don't think he knows what he is to us. The other one we've seen when we've helped the family out, like baby sitting. Currently trying to support them during a possible divorce.

My ministering sister is the one I check on frequently, I've been by her through the thick and thin, also supporting her daughter and grandkids, who haven't been to church for ages (me and my daughter are ministers to her daughter, my husband and son also). She brings me sweet rolls and remembers my birthday etc.

I've noticed that quite often it is thought that the married couple ministering works well. I've seen more cases where it doesn't work than when it works.

I think we're fine if everyone is truly ministered, by more than one person, whether they are assigned ministers or not. If even a single person is not ministered to, we are not doing what God wants us to do.

I honestly don't quite know how I would react if someone even just dropped me a message asking how I am doing. It just doesn't happen...
 

Jason

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2021, 08:27:30 pm »
Setting up a ministering appointment is like pulling teeth, which month after month can be demoralizing.

Not allowing in person visits during Covid actually helped me, because I could simply text them, leave cookies, or eggs from our chickens, or something that just required one person's schedule. But now we can visit again, and arranging 3 busy schedules per visit during prime family time is difficult.
 

Jen

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2021, 11:14:03 pm »
I'm pretty good at showing love and service to people around me, but I'm a crappy ministering sister. Do I get points for that?
 
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Redd

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2021, 11:40:08 pm »
I can't tell you who my current ministering sisters are. I have had some VT/MT who were wonderful and checked on me with out being pushy or inventing themselves over, but for the most part those sisters who take care of me either check on me the first time they are assigned me then leave me alone totally or check in on  me and spend all the time talking about themselves.
  I do my best to check in with my assigned sisters, give them little gifties or a note and a real in person visits about every two or three months. My trick is to start a conversation and let either my companion spend the rest of the time talking. I just nod and make mental notes.
 
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Scruffydog

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2021, 12:41:55 pm »
Please remember, everyone, that ministering is not home teaching, and you do not have to make a visit. You need to keep in touch with your families and you need to pay attention to what is going on with them, but that does not require a visit to the house. It is good if you can visit occasionally, but the point about ministering is that it is not built around a monthly visit to share a message from the Ensign any more. It is far more than that, it is about developing a strong relationship with our families
 
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Patty Rain

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Re: Ministering
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2021, 12:55:16 pm »
Jana, hugs. I wish we could be near so Rex could be his church buddy.  Hugs.

Ministering is very little different than leaders taught us with home and visiting teaching for decades. While the idea was taught that we should go monthly and teach a lesson it was also taught that the important thing was to meet needs.  The problem I saw with it was that it became a checkbox - visit once a month and I am done.  For many people they could not think past the visit to get to the needs. 

The biggest, and to my feelings, the only real difference was the monthly deadline that came with an accountability  call.

That deadline/call can be a good thing because if you don't plan well then things just slip through the cracks.  But it also caused a LOT of resentment.  Resentment about being expected to go without checking for concerns, resentment of being visited or dropped off a treat only because the person was supposed to.  Resentment for the person making those calls.

So if we can't have the deadline/call because of resentment and people are falling through the cracks without the deadline then what do we do about it?

I do think it has always been a two way thing.  One partner of mine learned so much about the gospel as we talked with the sister we VT.  She was a new member and it helped her.  Another time I called the sister I VT as I had a broken leg and couldn't get around.  Next thing I knew she was at my house with Chinese Food.  That doesn't mean it should always be that way.  Just that it is a good thing when it is.

So this morning as I write this I can't help, but think of Sister Nelson's book Change Your Questions, Change Your Life. https://deseretbook.com/p/change-your-questions-life-wendy-watson-nelson-71791?variant_id=27390-hardcover&gclid=CjwKCAjwoZWHBhBgEiwAiMN66VcSqEu92Tw2Vd1P5S4TDG7u45qQC5RwVB8F0HHvYy_JtfzrQPTxRhoC9GkQAvD_BwE (available as an ebook)

You have dealt with this for decades.  Maybe it's time to change your questions?  I know it helped me see somethings in a whole new way and that helped me change how things were going as well.
Time for a change.  I am yungmom, but have wanted a new username for some time.
 
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