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Author Topic: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol  (Read 276 times)

KDeeFrag

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Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« on: May 07, 2017, 01:40:24 am »
;)Halloo there members of NEW Nauvoo! It's been a long time since I even looked at the old one, but I just might get in here more often.

I have been a member since Sunbeams, with convert parents, and I'm in my 40's now. I had some interesting life experiences but managed to get my stuff together to serve a mission and work at my local temple for a while. I currently am a Relief Society teacher, in charge of Sacrament Meeting music, and try to be a decent Visiting Teacher to my ladies. I really love my ward and they're kind of why I stay in this town.

Human frailties led me to my current marriage, but I'm trying to learn to live with it, just in case that surrender thing is what God needs from me before He works His miracles... Why is it hard?  Well my husband joined the church just to "get with me" and I was too busy loving his potential to see that he wasn't really a convert at all. Or as he said to our son, "I told your mother I was an @-hole from the beginning, she just didn't believe me."

I really have to exercise faith in the eternity department, trusting that whatever God has in store for me is way better than I could come up with on my own. Also the fact that my son isn't sealed to me, that's really hard. The less I pay attention to the crap my husband believes about "my" religion and my people, the happier I am, or more serene I am...
« Last Edit: May 07, 2017, 01:59:42 am by KDeeFrag »
 
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pnr

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2017, 08:28:13 am »
Sometimes it takes a lifetime for someone to get their act together.  Nothing wrong with seeing potential.   You didn't ask for advice, but I have found that the more I act like another is the divine child of God and chose to follow Him in the eternities where he knew Him, the fewer hardships I have to bear because of them (largely because I can then see it as not my problem, and recognize the things that ARE within my control and do them).  (This doesn't apply when abuse is present, and doesn't always require living with the person while they are unsafe emotionally or physically either.)  There is a reason for the 1 Corinthians 7:14 counsel about believers having the power to sanctify their unbelieving spouses.   The fact that he was a bad person when you met him, and has retained them, doesn't mean that he will always do so. 

And you did your best.  Neither you nor your son will be denied all the blessings of heaven for things neither of you can control.  Spend your energy on learning to serve and love people who are hard to love, or some other noble pursuit, so that you will have a full life with what you can have.

Another thing that saved my life was cognitive behavior therapy.  You don't talk about things that happen very much.  What you do do is learn and practice healthy thinking skills that allow you to act instead of reacting to hard circumstances, and to see things that emotion would otherwise cloud.  Lots of therapists claim they do it: few actually do with fidelity.  You'll have homework.   And it may not even take 10 sessions, but almost certainly not more than 26.    If you cannot find and afford it where you are, consider doing it online (this program is trying to find out whether doing it online is as effective as in person):  https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

You can do hard things.  And as you carry someone's cloak for the extra mile, you can be in control of your universe.
Nauvoo 1270, Feb 2005
 
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Patty Rain

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2017, 09:51:18 am »
Welcome to Nauvoo!
Time for a change.  I am yungmom, but have wanted a new username for some time.
 

Roper

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2017, 10:27:27 am »
Welcome, KDee. I hope that you find here a community of compassionate oddballs who will take you in.  That's a good way to describe what I found.

+1 to what pnr said about CBT. It helped me through a very dark time in my life when my first marriage ended.

 

palmetto_gal

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2017, 12:25:27 pm »
Another thing that saved my life was cognitive behavior therapy.  You don't talk about things that happen very much.  What you do do is learn and practice healthy thinking skills that allow you to act instead of reacting to hard circumstances, and to see things that emotion would otherwise cloud.  Lots of therapists claim they do it: few actually do with fidelity.  You'll have homework.   And it may not even take 10 sessions, but almost certainly not more than 26.    If you cannot find and afford it where you are, consider doing it online (this program is trying to find out whether doing it online is as effective as in person):  https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

pnr, is there a cost associated with this ecouch program?
 

palmetto_gal

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2017, 12:29:33 pm »
 :)  Hello KDeeFrag!  Glad to have you with us! 
 

pnr

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2017, 02:54:18 pm »
The ecouch is free at the moment.
Nauvoo 1270, Feb 2005
 

Patty Rain

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2017, 09:31:02 pm »
Is it pretty much for those that are depressed or have anxiety? That's what a lot of it seems to be looking at. I'm not depressed now,  but cognitive behavioral therapy is something that may be good for me.
Time for a change.  I am yungmom, but have wanted a new username for some time.
 

LMAshton

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Re: Shout out to compassionate oddballs! lol
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2017, 10:12:33 pm »
Welcome, KDee!

I'm another one for whom CBT did wonders. Huge huge wonders. I count it high on the list of things that helped bring sanity to my life.
Nauvoo Member #701 aka quidscribis, joined April 2003
 

 

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