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First youth conference
« on: December 29, 2016, 01:32:39 pm »
My oldest, son, went to his first youth conference today. I didn't realize it would be such a big deal for me.

When I was young, I was shy. Not only actually shy but in a funny way afraid of people in social situations, yet I yearned to be included. Now having a daughter diagnosed with Tourette's I understand lot of my issues were of the same origin. Anyway. I both enjoyed and feared the conferences. I enjoyed being with people I knew and getting to know new people, yet I feared being with people and feared of feeling alone among people.

I liked dancing. I never thought I was pretty or could be popular, so I was afraid I would not be asked to dance. After a few years I knew if I wanted to dance I better ask boys too. There always were of course boys asking me to dance, but maybe not always as many as I would have wanted. Somehow I measured myself against how much I was asked. As much as I wanted to dance though, I was too afraid to show it. I would almost hide at times and look as if I'm not really interested in dancing, when I felt that all the other girls were so pretty no one would ask me to dance anyway, why would they with all those options. So by almost hiding I could tell myself I didn't dance because I chose it instead because no one asked. Looking back now it feels all silly, I got to dance enough etc, but at the time it was a big thing for me.

So... Then I decided that if I ever have boys, I want them to be the kind of boys who notices the not so pretty girls, the shy girls and asks them to dance. I decided I would teach them to be that kind of boys...

Well, I still do hope he'd be that kind of a boy. But haven't actually even spoken to him about the issue. Him, the soccer player, could care less about girls and dancing is not something he feels comfortable doing. Music is not his thing, he's got no rhythm in him... I could not demand him to do things that are just very uncomfortable for him. But he did promise me if a girl finds him in a corner and asks him to dance, he would go (and do what, I have no idea, but he is capable of standing and moving a bit of his feet I think)... (It might happen, because he actually is very cute and well behaved. His only comfort may be that he still is quite short so it might prevent some girls from asking him)

I just hope he has a good time. There will be some sports, so he should be ok. It's funny, this has really taken me back to the feelings I had when I was his age.


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