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Messages - dyany

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General Discussion / Re: Question about your talents
« on: March 09, 2018, 03:39:27 pm »
For me, the hard part isn't so much figuring out what they are, but recognizing the worth of them.  Too many of us, because we literally never really know a time without our talents, struggle to see them as special.  Some examples:
-people really feel comfortable talking to you, but you don't recognize you're doing anything different. 
-you are not tempted by sexually explicit images or ideas.  You may not see this as an unusual strength in yourself, but a weakness in others.
-you stand out in a crowd, and have a personality that people notice.  You see this as exposing and embarrassing, instead of a powerful tool for good. 
-you have the ability to focus on a task and just get it done, and don't understand or appreciate how rare and valuable that is. 
-you have had a lot of struggles, and keep on getting up.  You see this as nothing; as just something you were forced into.

I don't need to repeat that we all have talents, because the scriptures and prophets say it enough.  But these talents are given to us for our specific assignments, which may not be what we think they should be.  Some notes on that:
-belittling our talents as 'common' or 'anyone can do that' not only makes it difficult to magnify the talent and use it for good, but it can make others feel bad because this thing which is easy for you may be outrageously difficult for them.  Not to mention making us judgmental because others can't do the same things as easily.
-recognizing our talents can help us magnify them, note how they can be used for good, and help us to have empathy by recognizing not everyone has that skill.
-MOST talents do NOT make us leaders or 'stars.'  God doesn't need as many of those.  God needs good people who love and help others.  Remember the value of the One?  Our talent may only be designed to save one--but it may be the ONLY thing that could save that one.  And since that worth is INFINITE, we should never belittle it. 
The following users thanked this post: LMAshton, Jen, Roper

General Discussion / Re: The Feel-Good Thread
« on: March 04, 2018, 07:53:58 pm »
Iggy, that's not entirely true.  A dog doesn't have to be trained to fight to attack when it feels threatened.  And it doesn't always take much for a dog to feel threatened.  There are thousands of examples of this all over the world every day: a baby pulls its tail, or something else that seems innocuous triggering an attack response. 
The following users thanked this post: palmetto_gal

General Discussion / Re: Judgmental
« on: February 24, 2018, 03:21:46 pm »
I will never stop sharing this: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/08/judge-not-and-judging.p3?lang=eng&_r=1#
The following users thanked this post: Roper, kazbert

Book Club / Re: The Whitney Awards
« on: February 13, 2018, 03:15:27 pm »
Yeah, almost all of these you can get on Amazon.
The following users thanked this post: LMAshton

Book Club / The Whitney Awards
« on: February 12, 2018, 03:10:54 pm »
In case you don't know, the Whitney Awards are a specific set of writing awards for LDS authors.  The finalists came out today and can be found here: http://whitneyawards.com/2017-finalists/ (sorry the page loads really slow). 
One of the cool things about the awards is that anyone can nominate a book, then the 5 books with the most nominations get into the semi-finals, then finals.  The awards are presented at the Whitney awards gala in Provo  at the end of Storymakers Conference (early May). 

So if any of you are looking for good reads by LDS authors, or have an LDS author whose book you ADORE, that's a great resource!
The following users thanked this post: LMAshton

General Discussion / Re: Work challenge: the rambling, endless overtalker
« on: January 10, 2018, 09:30:50 pm »
Theoretically, it's about setting and enforcing healthy boundaries.
But I have an aunt who, along with her 9 kids, never stops talking.  Like, literally, follow you to your car and keep talking to you as you smile and nod and get in the car and start it up and roll down the window while you keep smiling and nodding and slowly get out of the driveway and drive away and in your rear view mirror they are STILL TALKING TO YOU.
And no, it's not about anything important.
IOW, boundaries are easier said than done. 
The following users thanked this post: LMAshton, Jen, Sparky

General Discussion / Re: Grades in Elementary School
« on: January 08, 2018, 05:26:02 pm »
The only reason I can see this being remotely a good idea is that, quite often, when presented with complete failure, hopelessness sets in and people (not just kids) stop trying. 

But then again, many people stop trying more if they think they are skating by, too. 

Bah.  I wish parents were just better at THEIR jobs.
The following users thanked this post: Sparky

Mormon Life / Re: What to do
« on: January 08, 2018, 01:39:19 am »
I absolutely, positively would NOT talk to Bro. Card or recommend or try to set up any sort of meeting.  Period.  Personally, I would HATE it if someone I knew who liked me knew someone who hated me and tried to get us to 'talk.'  "Here, I know this person who hates you.  You really need to meet!"  No matter how well intentioned, I know that I have bad sides, and this person is already predisposed to find them.  To put Bro Card in that position would be, to me, naive and ultimately disastrous.
The following users thanked this post: ketchupqueen

Writers' Showcase / Re: Fan fiction
« on: December 13, 2017, 01:06:48 am »
I had that epiphany with segue (seg-way).  And I admit, there are things I think I'm smart for figuring out.  But most of the time I feel like I've been an idiot for not figuring it out before, and/or like everyone else must have known that.  The thing that I find different about the young fandoms is that they put themselves in echo chambers of similarly ignorant people (mostly because of stage and life and interests, not, I think, so much because they want an echo chamber), so they get too much reinforcement that they are the only ones figuring this stuff out.  It's an skewed feedback loop. 
The following users thanked this post: LMAshton

My take on the problem is this:
1.  I am quite positive that this baker would have had little to no problem selling to this couple, or the men individually, any other product.  They just didn't want to support them in this particular event.  That is different to me that full-on discrimination.
2.  Wedding cakes in no way shape or form are necessary, for anything.  Are they nice to have?  Yes.  But not necessary.  If this were a basic need like food, shelter, clothing, medical care, or anything else REMOTELY required for a decent life, then I would call this a problem.  But as it is, even if EVERY OTHER BAKER IN THE COUNTRY denied them this particular service, it wouldn't hurt them, aside from their feelings and their pride. 
3.  I completely agree with Roper and Justice Kennedy that being forced to make art under such circumstances is not cool.  In fact, considering the relative frivolity of the demand, I find the entire lawsuit appalling and do not in any way shape or form feel like the couple are in the right.

A similar circumstance: as an author, supposedly, I can write whatever I want.  We're anti censorship in the US, right?  But not really anymore.  Oh, you can insult and denigrate white men and religion all you want.  But there is increasing pressure towards 'diversity' in writing, to the point that I have in the last few months seen the following:
1.  Authors being told that they must have homosexual relationships in their books or else many mainstream publishers will not carry them.  Period.
2.  Boycotting of authors who don't include minorities in their books, researched out the wazoo and accurately but never negatively portrayed.
3.  The claim that white authors should never ever write minority characters, ever, that those characters can only be written by members of that particular ethnicity (though white characters are free game, of course).  Combined with #2, this is basically saying that white authors are bad and need to be cut out, because the books have to include diverse characters but straight, white authors (especially men) are not allowed to write them.
4.  The demand that, if a straight, white author includes any person of any minority, they must read a minimum of 100 books written by someone of that minority, no matter how small a part the character has in the book and how little their race matters to the storyline. 

So I have been working on a piece of speculative fiction set in modern-day New York City.  Originally, my MC (main character) was a female who was 1/4 black.  I did extensive research on her family's history (not so much the half Irish part, since people don't give a flip if the white culture or history is accurate) back THREE GENERATIONS and developed some great origin stories for the entire clan and, I believe, am being very respectful.  But in the end I have changed the character to Caucasian. Because just in asking questions and doing research I was already receiving so much flak for deigning to even think about writing a mixed-race character without reading dozens of books from her race (and if you can find 100 books written by an author and with a main character who is half Irish and 1/8 Trinidadian, 1/8 African American, more power to you), that it just wasn't worth it.  I have enough anxiety about the actual quality of the book that I can barely sit down and write at all in the best of circumstances.  Adding the vitriol that comes with anything having to do with race or sexuality, and you can just forget it.  Will it be too white?  You betcha.   But the alternative isn't really possible.
The following users thanked this post: Curelom

General Discussion / Re: Current Events - US Politics Edition
« on: December 01, 2017, 04:05:41 pm »
That, I agree with.  But unfortunately, our leader is at the same maturity level. :(
The following users thanked this post: Iggy, Roper

General Discussion / Re: Current Events - US Politics Edition
« on: November 30, 2017, 01:01:23 pm »
Going back a bit to Roper's comment about Kim Jong Un, being smart and being mentally imbalanced are in no way mutually exclusive.  'mentally imbalanced' means mentally ill, which can mean a plethora of things, usually involving inappropriate emotional reactions and/or delusions of some sort, but that doesn't have anything to do with being intelligent.  In this case, it makes him more scary.  Being mentally imbalanced means Kim Jong Un overreacts in a negative manner to input, possibly due to delusional ideas about his own importance or threats to his own safety (paranoia).  But that doesn't mean he's stupid.  He could be smart about grandstanding, making threats, and doing despicable things in a (so far, successful) effort to control the behavior of people and countries around him, even though the delusions upon which the smarts are based are not real.

The following users thanked this post: Roper

General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: November 27, 2017, 12:11:31 am »
Indeed, Roper, that's most of what I've seen.  Our society, unfortunately, has a very hyperbolic (and therefore inaccurate) view of abusers.  Things are rarely so black and white, and people are rarely so purely evil.
The following users thanked this post: Roper

General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: November 26, 2017, 12:04:06 pm »
But physical beating, hitting, choking, or other violence will invariably leave psychological traumas that don't show up as clearly, & it's inevitable even if an abuser claims they never intended that. :(

That's not so much psychological abuse as PTSD, and is a side effect of the physical abuse.  No, I'm talking about the gaslighting and verbal abuse that accompanies the physical abuse that makes the abused person afraid to leave, or think that it can't be that bad, or that they deserve it, or that this is the best they can get, or otherwise warp their thinking.  Very different, but still usually present with abusive relationships.  Emotionally healthy people don't stay in relationships when the other physically abuses them.  But someone who has previous mental issues or has been psychologically beaten down will.
The following users thanked this post: Jen

General Discussion / Re: What are you watching?
« on: November 18, 2017, 11:03:28 am »
Saw Justice League last night.  It was better than most of the DC universe movies, I'd say 3/5 stars.  The Flash here is very different from the show's character, and while I like the show's character just fine, I like this one a LOT. 

This brings up a handy (okay, super duper cool) thing I found out about:
I was talking to my brother and he told me about this service he heard about on NPR called MoviePass.
  https://www.moviepass.com/ (scroll to the bottom of the page and plug in your zip code to find local theaters that participate.)
"You pay $9.95/month for movies in the theater every day," he said.
I bet my eyes narrowed to slits. "But just in dollar theaters, right?"
"No, I don't think so."
So I checked their website for what local theaters accepted it.
And almost EVERY theater in the Treasure Valley takes it. And definitely all the nice ones.
"This can't be right. It must not work on opening weekend."
"No, it works then."
"Then they must make you sign a contract."
"What is the catch?! THERE MUST BE A CATCH!"
My brother didn't know, so I poked and poked and poked around the website.
No 3D or IMAX movies. OK, I can handle that. No transferring to other people, OK. Only 1 movie a day.  You have to have an Android or iOS smartphone, no problem.  Kids under 18 can't do it...that would be a problem for many, but not for us (they are working on putting together a family plan). 
And that was it. I even read the full terms and conditions that nobody reads. The closest thing to a catch was that if you cancel, you can't re-up for 3 months. As catches go, that seemed really sub-par.
I still didn't believe it, but I thought, "the most I'd be out is the price of a regular movie ticket," so I signed up. My husband signed up, too.
The app is free and not glorious, but it does the job.
It took 10 full business days for our cards to arrive. You have to use the cards, and they look like Visa cards. The system got tracking when they were delivered, so it checked with us that they had arrived and activated the cards automagically, super duper easy.
We're still skeptical, though. This can't work. It's too good to be true. So we went to the theater and did the process. You open the app when you are within 100 feet of the theater and pick the movie you want to check in. This 'loads' the card for that theater, and you just buy the tickets with that card. Separate transaction for each ticket, but that was it. It worked FLAWLESSLY. Even on Justice League, which is a huge release that just came out TODAY.
I think I'm gonna watch Thor: Ragnarok 10 times in the next 12 days. You know. To test it out.
NOTE: right now they are having a sale: a full year for $89.95.  That's only $6.95/month and a small processing fee.  Which is awesome, but you have to pay for it all at once and you can only have 2 per household.  I don't think you can sign up to pay monthly (like we did) until this promotion is over.

I know it won't be helpful for everyone, but it more than paid for itself for this month last night alone.
The following users thanked this post: palmetto_gal, Roper

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