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Messages - LMAshton

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1
General Discussion / Our Former Home
« on: November 18, 2017, 03:31:50 pm »
Ya'll probably already knew this.  In case you didn't...

Even though we can't access the previous Nauvoo forum, the Nauvoo Times part of the site is still up. There are a lot of articles from our previous neighbors, including Hannah Bird's intelligent, pithy, and always entertaining observations about life.

http://www.nauvootimes.com/

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2
General Discussion / Re: Cabin & Porch
« on: November 18, 2017, 02:39:26 am »
It has been 7 days since the Vet trip. He has too much protein in his urine.Thus the Dr wants him on fish oil, a specialized diet (Science Diet k/d formula canned and dry)   I went and picked up his medicine and the k/d canned cat food and a 3 pound bag of k/d dry food. One of the medicines had to be ordered from Portland OR - compounded into liquid form. 2 months supply at the cost of $44.00!! For what I picked up at the Vet's, that came to $177.90. All totaled ~ $577.90. Well, I haven't taken him to the Dr other than three other times in his life. So, for 14 years that works out to be $41.28 a year. Not that bad when it is figured out that way.

The liquid fish oil - eewwwww it stinks! Fred loves it. All by itself and NOT mixed into his food. The c/d canned cat food is super sloppy. He will eat it, but I learned to only give him half of a 5.5oz can a day. The medicine, well he won't eat it. Won't let me squirt it into his mouth. Did it once, and if he even smells the stuff he won't come near me or Dad. Dad is the one who held him in a bear hug while Mom squirted that vile crap into his mouth! His thoughts -- not mine.

$44.00 for that stuff, and he won't take it. Oh, wait, it is tuna flavored so I could mix it in with the fish oil. Will try that tomorrow morning. He does really like the dry food. I mix it in equal parts with the other dry food.

On Tuesday I need to weigh him again. Then report it to the Vet.

The other good news is he is coming to me to snuggle and cuddle. Once he gets all comfortable, I konk out. Fast asleep. Hubby says I even snore. Fred is purring and Iggy is snoring.  O:-)

This afternoon one of my VT came and cut two shelves to fit across my kitchen sink/window. She also installed them for me. Which is good, 'cause if I had done it, it wouldn't have gotten done correctly. Now I have my clear square plastic containers filled with beans, legumes and seeds (that I sprout) on the shelves. Yes it is in front of my kitchen window, but the window is UV protected.

I also talked to her about doing some finish work in my kitchen. For hire. She is a licensed/bonded general contractor after all. I want the trim at the top of the cupboards all done with the same design and not the mish-mash that it is now. Need the new clear rope lights put up around the top of the cupboards. Those are my night lights. I can't see well in the dark anymore, and the kitchen light switch is all the way in the kitchen. She doesn't do electrical, so installing new track lighting is for someone else to do. BUT she can find a main stud to screw in the decorative hook that I want to hang my three tier wire mesh from so that I can have my onions, tomatoes & sweet peppers within easy reach as I am preparing meals. I need my work area free of that, thus the hanging mesh.

She also does house/office cleaning, and painting interiors as well as exteriors. Come next summer our carpets will need a thorough cleaning. My housekeeper can't do that, but I will hire my VT to do it. Would be great if Hubby would take a mini-vacation to his brother's in Arkansas - with him gone, then it will be way easier to clean the carpet and possibly paint all of the walls too.
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3
General Discussion / Re: The Feel-Good Thread
« on: November 11, 2017, 07:39:35 pm »
Way back on Page 1 of this thread, in April 2016, I wrote about a 1956 disaster that never happened when a Pan Am (now, there’s a name out of the mists of lore & legend) flight left Honolulu for San Francisco & the DC-6 lost two of its four engines in mid-Pacific, in the middle of the night, past the point of no return (too little fuel to get back home), but was using up the remaining fuel so rapidly that it wouldn’t make SFO either. The pilot’s choices were to crash in the Pacific or attempt to ditch in the Pacific. Last year when I dug up the story, it was when I was looking for info about the Asiana Airline crash landing at SFO a couple years earlier that something like 306 of the 310 souls on board survived.

So anyway, the NYT just came out with a story about the 1956 ditching, because an aviation museum exhibit just opened to remember the first ocean ditching of an airliner with no fatalities.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/08/nyregion/a-miracle-on-the-pacific-53-years-before-sully-landed-on-the-hudson.html

Here's a toast to skilled professionals of all kinds that we sometimes have to trust with our lives, & all the times they've come through for us. [applause]
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4
General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: November 09, 2017, 12:41:21 am »
Call your local domestic violence shelter and see if he can meet with them (probably off site at the library or something as most of the clientele are women and leary of men) to discuss his options.

I would advise him to call the police if she throws something at him or threatens him physically, or hits, and if she is violent in front of the children.   When the behavior is unrelated to substance abuse or mental health issues, being arrested sometimes brings the person to their senses.  But at the least she won't be released for overnight, and when she is, she will be ordered to stay away from him.   He has to do this to protect the kiddo who has been forced to witness the abuse: if he doesn't stand up, the child protection team may remove the child from him too.

If he doesn't think this will happen soon, then help him go to the courthouse where there is probably a worker helping people to get restraining orders, first they are temporary and will be served by police (who will also stay while she packs and leaves to keep the peace if he asks them to, but in a few days she will also able to appear and have her side  heard, so if he has any medical bills or photos of injury, or damage, or witnesses that will all be helpful and he should take them with him to the courthouse.  And he should seek protection for the children too, though if the adult child doesn't want him to include him or her, then he'll have to let that go. 

He can also record, though he needs to make it clear he his doing it:  often recording reins in the bad behavior, which presumably is what he wants.   

If his wife is a danger to himself or others (as in immediate threats), he can also call police and as them to involuntarily commit her for evaluation (max three days unless a court order).   If there is any evidence that this is a psychological thing, that may be the best choice.

He can authorize his child to live with someone else for a time if that child needs the escape and there is a safe place for him or her that allows him/her to still attend the same school. 

During that time, he should take the time to find and scan all the important papers, account numbers, tax returns, titles for the vehicles/deeds for the house, medical, and insurance, pension records, short records, credit card statements ,anything he might need.  Uploading it to a cloud account is the quickest safest thing, if it is an account she doesnt know about and cannot access.  (If it is on the family computer he may want to secure that, making sure his wife has another device she can use.)

He should talk with his employer's HR department because they need to know not to put her through to him, or assume her good will.  His boss will have to know too  (I regret to inform you that I'm really concerned about my wife and think you should not allow her at my place of work.  I'm getting help, but I may also need some time off while all tis gets sorted out."   And presumably the employee assistance program.  If  you ge tthe restraining order, be sure to provide a copy to your employer (and make sure you have put that address as a place she cannot be in your application for restraining order and it gets into the document itself).   

He can do all this by himself, but it would be a good thing if he contacts a family attorney and gets an idea of how this all will work, and also get access to a criminal attorney in case wife makes allegations against him.   Which brings up another really important thing:  he should NOT talk with anyone but the attorney and he should not admit to doing anything to her, if he has.  He must also tell the entire truth in all sworn documents.  He'll be nervous, tell him that is why he needs to be in touch with counsel, so that person can speak for him.  (It is common for abuse victims to accept all the blame and responsibility for everything, in ways that make it easy for the system and the abuser to make it look like they are the bad guy.  He needs to understand that when people are nervous they tend to talk and what they should do is simply say they are too discombobulated and shut up!!!)

And he should let his child's school guidance and principal know about the home situation and that child should not be forced to leave with mother, and if they leave with her, the school should call him, maybe an alternate phone number to call if he is not available.   A copy of the restraining order protecting the children should be given to the schools the kids attend, their workplaces (all of which should be part of the restraining order). 

He should also protect his bank accounts by putting his money in accounts she cannot get to, if she now has access and do this before he serves the restraining order.

He should also plan on giving her funds for a hotel when she is released from jail or when she is served restraining order or however much he is likely to have to pay for alimony if they get divorced.  That he should leave in their joint account monthly.   Whatever he does with his money, he should keep all receipts and records, because that will all be part of any property eventual property settlement if the marriage doesn't work out, and he will want to be sure to be scrupulously fair.  ,

If she is a joint user on any credit card, he should remove her as such.  Hopefully she has credit in her name, but before he removes her he can ask if they would give her a card of her own as he removes her from his accounts.   (He needs to know that he is only doing this to assure that she doesnt do something stupid --- if this is a mental illness, manic behavior can result in financial ruin for both.)   Another option would be to cancel all the accounts she has access to except one, and ask the card issuer to drop the credit limit to $2K or something that will mean she cannot do very much financial damage without maxing it out.

And he needs to find a counselor and start attending weekly, and go to a dr for a full physical.  In both places, he should tell the entire story and identify wounds and concerns and effects of what has happened.   He needs to  process everything.   He also needs to be sure his kiddos also get such therapy and medical exam. 

And he should also help both children do their FAFSA forms for college, and make sure not to forget to enroll in medical insurance by December 15, if if he is not covered.

He should not badmouth his wife to anyone, but he should talk fully and candidly to the counselor, and his doctor, (and the kids professionals)  and his bishop who each have the duty to preserve confidentiality.  And he should record his interaction with her so long as he tells her on the recording that she is doing so.

 It might be wise for him to tell his Inlaws as soon as he does the restraining order or when he he has her involuntarily committed, or arrested.  "IL, I am sorry to tell you that wife has been served with a restraining order/arrested/involuntarily committed because of threats and violence.  I thought you should know that I hope this can all be resolved without any more harm to anyone.  She's at ______________ and I have given them permission to speak with you, but she can override that if she wants to so I don't know if she will call.   When she is released, she will need to have somewhere else to stay while everything is worked out.  I intend to do my part to help this family get through this and to a better place."

He should not leave the family home.   If he is at risk there, though he can put a lock on a room in the home where he can safely sleep.   And if the house contains his weapons or hers, he can store them somewhere she doesn't know about.

I hope it goes well.

Oh, he'll also probably have to program his phone so he can keep all of her communications, and not have to deal with her while he is at work. 

And it would also be a good idea to tell your HTers something so they don't inadvertently hurt her or your children by taking whatever his wife says as gospel, without saying anything that makes them think less of his wife.


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5
Writers' Showcase / Re: The anthology I'm in comes out in 3 weeks
« on: November 08, 2017, 01:16:12 am »
So, I received an email today showing the Amazon listing for the paperback.  The kindle version only shows 4 authors, but the paperback shows 16 (of the 50+).  Jodi put the authors in order of # of pages written, so the fact that I am #9 on the list is kind of awesome. :)  You can go here if you want to get a better look or even pre-order: http://a.co/4vo3MR1
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6
Writers' Showcase / Re: The anthology I'm in comes out in 3 weeks
« on: November 02, 2017, 01:02:13 am »
I followed the link above and registered for one of the preview copies.  Dyany, I mentioned that I had found Jodi through you.  My name was chosen and I received the .pdf version yesterday.  I just need to remember to bring a pack of paper with me to work to print it off.  Thanks for letting us know about the anthology. 
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7
General Discussion / Re: The Feel-Good Thread
« on: October 30, 2017, 09:54:12 pm »
Another pro athlete being a good community member. Thanks, Klay Thompson. 8)

http://www.sfgate.com/warriors/article/Warriors-Klay-Thompson-ups-donation-to-12318605.php
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8
Forum and Member News / Re: Life Changes too
« on: October 29, 2017, 05:53:22 pm »
As part of your cyber-ward, I find the faux pas terribly endearing.  If you had introduced yourself as someone less appealing (e.g. Nehor) it might not have gone over as well.  We are all here, sustaining you as our cyber-Bishop. 
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9
General Discussion / Re: Cooking // Recipe Help
« on: October 28, 2017, 10:22:24 pm »
Iggy, it's interesting that your doctor is having you on such a low fat diet with your diabetes.  The low-fat protocol has been more and more discredited in studies over the last 20 years at least, and one of the biggest things they've found is that low fat and sugar substitutes RAISE obesity levels like crazy.  I have terrible cholesterol and I'm diabetic, so at first I was trying to avoid things like bacon and eggs and such, but my doctor told me he would rather have me eat bacon and eggs every morning than any kind of cereal, because the sugar control is far more vital and fat SLOWS how fast the glucose goes into your bloodstream, which improves insulin reaction. 
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10
General Discussion / Re: Cooking // Recipe Help
« on: October 28, 2017, 07:59:27 pm »
Parchment paper is a good sub for greasing the pan.
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11
General Discussion / Re: Cooking // Recipe Help
« on: October 28, 2017, 05:24:48 pm »
I've used applesauce in brownie recipes before.  They tasted okay.  Consistency was closer to cake than brownies.  Mashed up bananas (instead of oil or applesauce)
 in brownies complement the chocolate flavor better, and the consistency is better. No other substitute will ever be as good as real butter, though ;)

edit: If you take out the oil/butter, put some extra non-stick spray in the pan.  I know it adds some fat calories back in, but you'll lose the edges and bottom if you don't prep the pan. I learned the hard way.
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12
General Discussion / Re: Cooking // Recipe Help
« on: October 28, 2017, 03:25:20 pm »
I haven't in a cake mix; my mom used to put applesauce in for oil in cake recipes.

I know you can sub soda/diet soda for the ingredients in a cake mix though. It's a Weight Watchers thing, I had a friend who was fond of it. http://www.kitchme.com/recipes/diet-soda-cake-weight-watchers
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13
Technical Talk / Re: Phone and computer differences
« on: October 27, 2017, 06:42:48 pm »
Ahh. Ok. Figured it out lol.  Redd posted it on different boards!   :D
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14
http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/general-conference-sessions-consolidated-april-2018?__prclt=VfneShpG

Quote
In a message sent to Church leadership and to be read in worship services throughout the world, the Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced changes for future general conferences.

The letter states that "beginning in April 2018, the general women's session will no longer be held on the Saturday preceding the other sessions of general conference. Rather, the general priesthood and general women's sessions will each be held annually, with the general priesthood session being in April and the general women's session being in October." It continues, "These meetings will originate from the Conference Center on Saturday evening following the morning and afternoon sessions of the conference."

According to the letter, consolidating general conference sessions into one weekend furthers Church efforts "of reducing and simplifying the work of the Church and the demands made upon leaders and members."
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15
Writers' Showcase / The anthology I'm in comes out in 3 weeks
« on: October 24, 2017, 08:01:35 pm »
I don't know if any of you have read The Sun Still Shines by Jodi Orgill Brown, but she's been putting together an anthology called Rise Above Depression and it comes out in 3 weeks by Fulfill Publishing, and I'm one of the (many) authors who has articles in it.  It's not huge--Fulfill Publishing is teeny, all our submissions were non-compensated and I haven't even seen how my stuff is in it--but it's kind of exciting nevertheless.  Here's some of the endorsements that the book has received so far:

"Since most of us will either experience depression ourselves or be close to someone who does, it is important that we begin to understand the difficult challenges of those affected by this disease. Rise Above Depression is a masterful work exploring this topic through the voices of many who are suffering. Each of their experiences are unique, and yet they all provide encouragement and hope for a better life. This is one of those books that will literally change lives."
— Steve Ostler, CEO Onerefugee

"Jodi's book offers hope to every one suffering from not only depression, but any sort of mental or physical ‘paralysis.’  Her messages of hope versus hopelessness inspired me so much that I've sent the book to others I know who struggle with issues, physical, mental and spiritual. I appreciate the inspiring stories of others who have found themselves in the face of adversity and have been able to move forward with faith and a positive outlook on life." – Chad Hymas, CSP, CPAE. Author of Doing What Must Be Done, Hall of Fame Speaker
 
"When I first started the book, I thought I was reading to understand and learn more about how I could understand and help those that deal with depression. I soon realized this book is not just for those who suffer from the effects of depression, but it's also for any person looking live a fuller, more purposeful life. This book is filled with simple daily tools and stories you could apply to life regardless of depression.
 
“It took me through a personal journey of looking how I can better my life and help create more joy for others. I would recommend this book to ALL who want to make a profound difference in their own life and make an impact on other peoples lives, regardless of whether or not you suffer from depression. This book is truly an inspired book and will continue to make a big impact in the world as it is shared and spread." – Andrea Teach, Mother, Speaker, Entrepreneur
 
"The powerful truth that we are much, much more than our bodies is only the beginning of what Jodi Brown expounds on in this must-read book. Discover keys on how to not only deal with, but overcome the things which in the end make us magnificent. An inspirational page-turner in developing trust and tenacity as we ‘press on’ with the challenges in our lives."
— Jeffery Olsen, Co-Founder @ONE, Best Selling Author of I Knew Their Hearts and Beyond Mile Marker 80

"Someone once said, regarding their search for inner peace, 'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer' (Albert Camus wiki). Jodi Brown has created and compiled precious principles, insights, and wisdom that will bless anyone suffering from depression, anxiety or emotional trauma, with crucial guides and directions to help find their ‘invincible summer.’ The darkness and despair of depression are dispelled enough for us to take action. Brown's and her co-writers' experiences, insights and counsel—shared with intense personal empathy—provide many of these key anchors of hope and can guide us to our summer."   
— John Paskett, VP of Operation, Personal Strengths Publishing, PTSD Survivor,
 “Rise Above Depression n is a perfect resource for anyone struggling with depression. It lets you peek behind the curtain at many of depression’s contributing factors. It validates, it educates and it comforts; most importantly, it allows realize you are not a victim of depression.”
Jenny Layton, Author, Speaker, and Founder of The Happy Gal
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