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Messages - dyany

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Creative Corner / Re: Photography
« on: June 06, 2018, 03:59:52 pm »
We played outside in the sun until naptime...which quickly became evident.
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Speaking from the perspective of a bishopric, please do go and see someone about it. The person extending the call does not know what the calling requires of you, because each calling will make demands that relate to conditions and personalities now, not in the past or the future; that means that only you know what the calling is demanding because only you are experiencing it now. Your bishopric are correct to say that people are only supposed to have one calling, and that is a church-wide policy, so you shouldn't be expected to carry three at once. There are occasions where that can be varied, ie there is a pressing need (lack of available alternatives) or there is a particularly good fit between the callings, but you really should not have three callings at once. It does you no good, and it does the calling no good
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General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 24, 2018, 11:38:23 pm »
Yes. Although, the hotline is for legal considerations, not for counseling training. For example:  Different states have different requirements for reporting abuse. While priest/penitent confessions may be protected communication in some states, other states may require confessions of abuse to be reported if they involve children, elderly, or handicapped victims. The hotline has legal experts to help guide bishops wherever they are located.
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General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 22, 2018, 04:16:12 am »
*clears throat*
I will share this.  When one is abused by a partner that you swore to be faithful to til death, you have to become mentally ill to convince yourself to stay. ALL of the reasons above are valid. Some women never resurface. You become tightly wound. Everything is your fault. Everything is your responsibility.  It is too exhausting to think your way out of the box you are in, especially when there are children you have to protect.

It took a surgeon saying "you will report this to the police, yes?"  and then a middle of the night visit to the parish priest who asked "Do you want to stay with him?"  Me: No.   Priest: "Then don't."  He gave me the permission to break my vows.

I survived,  but it took the Gospel to heal me.  And it still took time. 

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Forum and Member News / Re: Admiration and appreciation
« on: May 22, 2018, 04:04:56 am »
Recognition is a wonderful thing!  and so are you Dyany.
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Dear young Grasshopper,
I have been around this perfect Gospel within an imperfect institution  long enough to say this with all the love in my heart:  your election and glory are not based on your hours of service, but on your willingness to serve.
How can it be that your leadership is so uninformed about your needs and responsibilities?   May I suggest a visit with a PH leader? Lay it out. Be frank.  Be clear.
They may not realize how many hours is takes, never having the calling.  They may not realize your on going challenges. 
They have keys but are not mind readers, they have the power to heal but they are not magicians.
This is not meaning to assign fault or blame.
Its time for you to have a good old chat with the Holy Ghost and then go speak to a leader.
Really,  when a calling becomes no blessing at all and youd rather stay home than do it, it is time to speak up.
I will be praying for you!
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Forum and Member News / Re: Admiration and appreciation
« on: May 21, 2018, 10:56:39 pm »
I agree with Palmon, by the way, Dyany. Also, I've never found you annoying. I rather enjoy the person you are. You're fabulous!
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General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 21, 2018, 10:22:09 pm »
I showed this thread to my wife.  She worked in the counseling office for a women's shelter for about 18 months.  Here is what she had to say:

Most women will make up stories to cover abuse because of fear:

- They're afraid they won't have a place to go if they leave.
- They're afraid their kids will get taken away.
- They're afraid their friends and family won't believe them, or say they have "mental problems."
- They're afraid that if the abuser finds out, it will get worse.
- They're afraid about being judged:  They're not strong enough to leave on their own, or they're just trying to get attention.

Some women won't leave because they believe they deserve it.  Some women stay because the "make-up" afterwards seems good enough--expensive gifts, flowers, special dates, lavish apologies and promises, etc.

When we talked about why other people don't ask, she said that most abused women have adopted several avoidance techniques and non-verbal behaviors which, in essence, say, "Stay away from me.  This is none of your business." You have to be willing to push through that with care and sensitivity.  Even if you can get someone to engage with you, be prepared for all the cover stories.
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General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 21, 2018, 08:40:18 pm »
As a side note, I suspect that anyone who would have been moved to ask about your injuries would have been deterred by the presence of your husband.
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Forum and Member News / Admiration and appreciation
« on: May 21, 2018, 05:33:43 pm »
Dyany, you are an amazing person. I enjoy your wisdom that you share in your comments.
I am taking a course in marketing your books and it keeps saying "network, network", then I look at your FB page. You are such a natural at making friends - I admire it so much. Your friends which include many authors aren't your friends because they want something from you, or you from them. They are you friends because they truly like you. Wow. That is a real talent: that of making true friends.

Those are the things I really admire about you: Your wisdom that you are willing to share and the ability of making true, lasting friendships. As I said, you really are an amazing woman.
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Let them win.  Personal salvation has 0% correlation to the number or difficulty of your callings.  If you need relief, ask for it.
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Creative Corner / Re: Photography
« on: May 21, 2018, 08:55:55 am »
Sarah-Grace eating spaghetti for the first time.  We ate outside because, you know, garden hose.

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General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: May 19, 2018, 01:55:59 pm »
I don't recall if there are kids at home, but if there are, you probably have enough to call the child abuse hotline and since you are already estranged, it may be all you can do for those kids.

I'd also consider calling (and maybe following up with a letter) the principals at their schools so they can be on the lookout.

Some families have family fasts each month including each family member (though I would NOT ask anyone to participate unless I knew that they knew, that would violate confidence.  I could ask for a family (at least those who aren't going to go talking about what the real story is) to fast for some who really need help over a period, without sharing any info.)
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Mormon Life / Re: Garments
« on: May 19, 2018, 01:51:39 pm »
The new stretch cotton bottoms have no elastic on the edges.

I suspect for those of you having cotton and elastic come apart that condition may be the result of bleach use --- cotton is originally a gray (because that is less expensive) and it is dyed white.  So bleaching it tends to turn it dingy instead of whitening.
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News of the Church / Re: Church severing ties with BSA
« on: May 18, 2018, 10:33:00 pm »
I received an email from BSA. It was a link to a survey with questions about if and how I would continue support of the BSA when LDS church sponsorship ends Dec. 2019.  I said I and my family would not be involved with the BSA.  The church is introducing a new program for youth.  I and my family don't have the capacity to be fully engaged in two separate youth programs, along with school activities.

The BSA knew this was coming, and that's one of the reasons they started including girls.  They needed a new source of revenue to offset the massive loss of church sponsorship. The impact of the church leaving is much more than the percentage of LDS youth in scouts.  In the U.S., a third of BSA units are LDS sponsored. That's a lot of money in yearly charter fees, camp fees, etc. All LDS leaders work as volunteers. The church is essentially a cash cow for the BSA, which spends over $100 million every year on salaries.  The CEOs of regional BSA councils make more money than school district superintendents. The president of the BSA makes over three times the amount of the president of the United States.  All of the church's monetary and human capital can be better spent to directly benefit our youth.
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