Welcome to New Nauvoo

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - dyany

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 49
General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 22, 2018, 09:27:29 pm »
Thank you, Jana.  That reminds me of some other things I've learned in this area.

1.  IT'S NOT A SIN TO BE BROKEN.  So what if you're flawed?  So what if you make mistakes in your marriage?  YOU CAN HEAL AND BE HEALED.  Sometimes the part of us that is broken is the part that wants to stay.  SO. FREAKING. WHAT.  Admit that part, own it, and DO SOMETHING to stop it.
2.  Some people say that divorce is 50/50 in the fault arena.  I'm sure that's true sometimes, but MOST of the time I would say it's not.  Now, along those same lines, it's almost never 100/0, either.  Again, and this adds on to #1, SO WHAT.  You can't control your spouse and their 90% of the problems, but you CAN control your 10% of the issues.  Don't use your 10% as an excuse to say it's 'partially your fault' like that's an obligation to stay.
3.  I wish all cases of abuse were as black-and-white clear like they are in the movies, with a practically satanic abuser, but they are not.  Sometimes abuse, especially the psychological kind, crops up only enough to make you wonder if it really qualifies as 'abuse.'  This is especially hard when you know the in-laws enough to know where the behavior comes from, and even WORSE if you can see them TRYING to change but not enough to completely stop hurting you (I've described this as going from cutting 4 inches deep to only  2.  It's better, but it still hurts). 
4. Sometimes the victims develop really bad coping skills to deal with the abuse (on top of the issues that put them and kept them in the abusive relationship in the first place).  These often damage the abuser, the abusee, the relationship, and everyone else involved.

Those last 2 are tricky situations that I don't have answers for, but I have personally observed. 

General Discussion / Re: Abuse
« on: May 21, 2018, 08:12:51 pm »
One of the biggest things I have learned about abusive relationships is that the abuser is never the only one that's screwed up.  Abusees always have issues that make them feel unworthy of love, make them think that being alone is worse than being mistreated, make them TERRIFIED of the grey unknown that is escape.  One of the main things that we are taught over and over and over again in my profession is that people need to be allowed to fail.  Unless they get the strength to take action--ANY action, even if that's getting help--they will never start to recognize the strength they not only have, but the power they MUST use to stand up for themselves and control their own lives.  We can't save them if they are unwilling to be saved.

Forum and Member News / Re: Admiration and appreciation
« on: May 21, 2018, 08:04:42 pm »
Clicking 'thanks' on that isn't nearly enough.  Thank you so much, palmon.  I am too quick to think that I'm always on the edge of being unfriended for being annoying.  Thank you. 

Yanno, you can say no.  You can ask to be released.

I just asked to be released as ward historian this last week.  Not because it was too much time, but because I was getting ZERO support from a single ward leader, not even the bishopric member over me, which triggered some major anxiety attacks for me a few weeks ago.  I already have issues with people in positions of authority not doing their job, leaving me in a position holding too much responsibility for a task which it is then impossible to complete.  I am working on that, but in the meantime, a lying, ineffective bishopric member doesn't help.  So I asked to be released, and after I explained why to my bishop (via email), he apologized and said they would try to find someone else.

I think most people try.  But if you don't inform them of your limitations, or issues, THEY cannot do THEIR jobs as effectively.  Is it hard to do that?  Yes, it is, especially when we have a long-standing culture of "never say no."  But sometimes ward leaders simply screw up and if we simply sit there silently sucking it up, we bear at least part of the responsibility.  We're not the only ones supposed to learn and grow in the calling.

General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: May 20, 2018, 09:00:28 pm »
When I was in foster care training, we were taught to call the police first.  Police then calls CPS as needed--and CPS tends to take them far more seriously, imagine that.  It's frustrating, in part because we have whiny dork adults who have nothing better to do than call CPS because they see some kid playing in their own front yard, so it becomes way too easy to simply ignore non-professional (and apparently teachers don't count) reports. 

There's just SOOOO many problems with our society and our infrastructure when it comes to physically supporting families in a proper way (as in, not so much providing outside things like daycare to fill in for gaps, but supporting the fiscal stability and internal functioning of the family so that they DON'T need supplemental assistance), but setting proper social mores and taboos and healthier boundaries to have better delineation of what does and does not constitute decent parenting.  As it is now, though, biology trumps everything, which results in a lot of really, really bad situations for kids. 

General Discussion / Re: Urgent advice needed
« on: May 19, 2018, 05:15:38 pm »
If there is suspicion of abuse or neglect, then the school can initiate a call to CPS.

This doesn't seem like much, but it's HUGE.  When the family can't keep an eye out, most people avoid 'jumping to conclusions' when they see kids with bruises and such.  But if the school knows to keep an eye out, there is no other place with more exposure to the kids or better suited to see the signs, and just getting CPS called in is all anyone else could do anyway.  Plus, extra bonus: the school would be the 'bad guy,' not the family members.

News of the Church / Re: Fake News Hoax and The Priesthood Ban
« on: May 18, 2018, 08:00:50 pm »
I read the fake site, and fell for it for a few minutes.  It was quite convincing, and convinced a number of my friends as well.  It made me super angry, because a) it looked VERY real, b) it sounded plausible in a hopeful way, but c) it included facts mixed with exaggerations and lies.  All designed to make the church's actual policies look pathetic and inadequate.  I'm still angry about it.

Youth in the Church / Re: youth activities?
« on: May 17, 2018, 11:23:03 am »
Agree with Roper.  When we did webelos just a couple of years ago, we tried to have den meetings once a month in the summer, but even that rarely had more than 1-2 (out of 5-6) in attendance, and sometimes NO ONE would come.  It wasn't always vacations, but families are doing stuff with their kids more locally during the summer and just didn't want to fit the cub meetings into their schedule during those months.

Youth in the Church / Re: youth activities?
« on: May 16, 2018, 01:16:43 pm »
Where I am now, I think the YW & YM keep going during the summer, but the cub scouts basically shut down.  I'm not sure about activity days.  It very much depends on the ward and the leaders.

I live in a smallish Idaho town.  We have a Facebook group, and here's an synopsis of some of the conversations that occur there:
There's been some kids doorbell ditching lately.  Some late at night or rarely in the a.m.  The reactions have been about 20% "I'm getting a door camera and calling the cops," 20% "I bet it's those damn Californians," and about 40% "I have a gun and if they come here they're dead." 

It's DOORBELL DITCHING, people!  Annoying, yes.  Worthy of being murdered?  Not in the slightest!  What is with people? 

I want to move from here SO BADLY.

Official declarations=doctrine. 
Ministering and organization of groups=policy and procedures. 

Worlds of difference to me.

General Discussion / Re: Free Range Parenting
« on: April 03, 2018, 10:30:10 pm »
Roper: I believe the nationwide statistics are that 1/4 girls will be sexually assaulted or molested at some point before they turn 18, so 1/5 is actually a little better.  Though it's horrible to contemplate. 

There are a lot of messed up things leading to these statistics.  Unfortunately, for the most part, we as a society are not doing a good job of shoring up the defenses and building up the families to prevent this, and are doing a really good job of piddling around and wringing our hands trying to mend the dam after it's broke. 

-Pornography needs to be stopped.  This is a HUGE factor in the rising rates of sexual abuse and other similar issues.
-Families need to be strengthened.  This includes, but is not limited to, understanding that raising children and running a household is a FULL TIME JOB and thinking that both parents must work outside the home for 'equality' (and enforcing that by making living on 1 income more and more impossible) and that minimum wage daycare workers can somehow fill the gap is very misguided and should be discouraged, not lauded. 
-We need to stop supporting the 'anything goes' culture.  We have WAY too much support for the ideas of thinks like 'gender is fluid' and that a 1st grader should be able to 'choose' their gender and undergo surgery with NO scientific evidence to even support that viewpoint, but people who speak sense against the hedonism are vilified, blacklisted, and destroyed. 
-We need to be able to talk about our bodies and natural actions and TEACH our children what is appropriate and how to defend themselves and who to report to, and then BELIEVE them (at least to the point of very thorough investigation) when they report something inappropriate.  And this goes with adults, too. 

I could go on, but this subject makes me really angry and I already need to calm down.

General Discussion / Re: Free Range Parenting
« on: April 02, 2018, 08:02:25 pm »
It would be nice to know how much that statistic is affected by rates of a) reporting and b) being believed.  If those are higher, than the actual abuse rate may be lower.  I don't have any reason except hope that Utahans are better about reporting abuse and better about believing victims, but I still hope.

General Conference / Re: 2018 Saturday session
« on: April 01, 2018, 06:19:16 pm »
Sorry I got pulled away while posting the links in the per-talk discussion section and I won't have time to get to it again probably until tomorrow.  If anyone wants to continue to post the links, each as a new topic, feel free.  I just ask that you keep the same format for consistency (which helps people find what they are looking for).

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 49

* Top Posters

1240 Posts
Roper Roper
1032 Posts
dyany dyany
786 Posts
LMAshton LMAshton
647 Posts
CrowGirl CrowGirl
402 Posts

* Recent Posts

Re: Cabin & Porch by kazbert
[Today at 12:30:31 am]

Re: Current Events - US Politics Edition by Curelom
[June 18, 2018, 11:25:40 pm]

Re: New book by Palmon
[June 18, 2018, 03:28:33 am]

Re: Fathers' Day by Curelom
[June 17, 2018, 05:55:36 pm]

Re: Current Events - US Politics Edition by Curelom
[June 17, 2018, 05:54:36 pm]

* Board Statistics

  • stats Total Members: 105
  • stats Total Posts: 9674
  • stats Total Topics: 649
  • stats Total Categories: 6
  • stats Total Boards: 26
  • stats Most Online: 65

  • averages Average Posts: 11
  • averages Average Topics: 1
  • averages Average Members: 0
  • averages Average Online: 16

* Forum Staff

AndrewR_admin admin AndrewR_admin
dyany admin dyany
LMAshton admin LMAshton

* Calendar

June 2018
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 [19] 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

No calendar events were found.